Conversation I had with my girlfriend last night:

HER: My mom always sends me Easter stuff early because she thinks it’s going to take a week to get across the country, but then it shows up the next day. Which I don’t even know how that’s physically possible, but…

ME: Well, with FedEx’s Previous-Day Delivery…

HER: “When you absolutely, positively need to get it there yesterday.”

ME: I like to send things to myself. I can get the coolest stuff for a day!

HER: What do you mean?

ME: Like, let’s say I decide that tomorrow I’m going to send myself a puppy. Then, ta-da, a puppy is on my doorstep today. I never have to actually buy it; all I have to do is make sure I send it back the next day. The puppy just goes through the loop forever.

HER: You know, the puppy would keep ageing.

ME: That’s true. So my memory of it would keep changing to be a day older.

HER: It would?

ME: Right. Every time the puppy goes through the loop, it would change history by being one day older. And, assuming that every day for the puppy corresponds to a day that I live into the future, as the years went by I would keep remembering an older and older dog.

HER: Until about fifteen years from then…

ME: I’d be like, “Why did I send myself a dead dog fifteen years ago?”

HER: Schrödinger’s puppy.

Advertisements