For this year’s VD, my roommate’s completely awesome girlfriend got him a book of Batman Valentines. He let me scan some for your personal delight.

First, we have the vaguely homoerotic:

Quick, Robin, to the Batpole!

Which, hey, is a perfectly appropriate theme for many couples. Next, we have the just plain violent:

It's how he shows he loves me. Dig the postmodern cape design.

What’s that printed on his boot? “tYWWVW”? I want it to be a “Your Mileage May Vary” or “Who Would Wonder Woman Do?” or something, but I can’t make it fit. Far be it from me to second-guess the Batman, but if he’s going to be leaving acronyms stamped into the foreheads of his victims and Valentines, he could pick something a little more straightforward.

But for the less openly abusive, more voyeuristically stalky suitor:

That's not a Batarang in his pocket. Nothing tastes so sweet as the prey you kill yourself.

And then there’s my favorite:

Thanks, no, just had some this morning.

Valentine, I’m going to kill your parents.