MORE ASTRO-L Q&A!

Quoth the Finback:

1. As a space caveman, you are to explore the planet Mars. Which three species of hominid do you take as your team?

Star-Dipithicus, Oort-orin, and Cosmo Erectus.

Especially Cosmo Erectus.

2. If you were alone in the forest, and a female bonobo came onto you.. would you.. y’know.. do her?

That slut?! Who even KNOWS what kind of diseases she’s picked up? She’d have to get me pretty damn drunk, I tell you what.

Well, fairly drunk.

3. You are now working for COBRA. What section of Vipers are you assigned to, and why?

Of course I’m shooting for the Astro Vipers, but my second choice would be the Python Vipers, since that’s totally two snakes in one, which is awesome.

Except, of course, I’m not really answering the question. What I’ll actually be ASSIGNED to is Dr. Mindbender’s lab, where they’ll enhance and exploit my gut-bomb-throwing skills and monster smell.

4. Do you prefer hair, or no hair, for yourself?

Ironically, baldness is more high-maintenance. Plus there’s this little mole I have to shave around, and I’m not so sure I like uncovering the strange crevasses and ridges and canals that decorate the back of my noggin.

On the other hand, my hair is generally sucky and unredeemable. So… eh. I’ve definitely spent most of my life hirsute, so I guess I prefer that.

5. Create an ironic death for Pat Lee in 20 words or less.

Fight to the death against his old mentor, Liefeld. Only instead of weapons, they fight with suck.

Because they suck.

—-

Then Warpticon got all up in my grill:

1. What’s with the nick?

“Astro-Lopithecus, space caveman.” It’s FUNNY.

2. What’s with the other nick?

Jackpot.

The programmed-for-luck thing is what I dig. I’ve certainly gotten by on enough of THAT in my life.

3. How old were you, assuming it happened, when you first started feeling like you’d reached adulthood?

I’ll let you know.

Though if I had to pin SOME milestone down, I guess it would be one particular moment back in ’98. I’d graduated from college the year before, moved to Seattle for a job, and gotten an apartment with no roommates. Meanwhile, my parents had moved out of state, so I was more on my own than I’d ever been. I remember lying on my bed, looking out the window at a tree and blue skies and chirping birds, and thinking how totally awesome it was that I was supporting myself in a life of my own.

I couldn’t legally drink yet, but still.

4. If you could have any one entertainment item in the world, but only one, what would it be?

My penis.

AND AND AND AND. My right hand. Yes, they count as one item.

5. What is your general impression of me?

Quiet, smart, musical. A black man in a sea of honkies and Jews and Asians and Mexicasians, but you don’t bring much attention to it. The longest I ever recall conversing with you was about something to do with relationships, and you seemed to have a pretty accurate perception of things.

—-

recharge138 pried:

1. Have you considered rebalding?

The warmer it gets, the more I consider it. You never know.

2. It can’t rain all the time, can it?

Oh, get over it.

3. Why do you blow me off so much?

You have no idea how seldom in life I’ve found myself holding the power of rejection. I’m like a baby rattlesnake, deadlier for lack of control.

4. How many coffee shops are in a five-block radius from your house?

Counting the one in the grocery store? Four, plus a tea shop.

5. How’s the job coming along?

Great! Just got a six-month contract. And I’m working on this really awesome campaign that I can’t talk about, but it’s really awesome. And yes, by awesome, I mean totally sweet.

(No, it’s not an ad campaign for or about ninjas. Cool as that would have been.)

—-

He calls himself minorirritant, and here’s what he wants to know:

1) Congratulations – Damon Killian has selected you to be a Seeker on America’s #1 show, The Running Man! What’s your name and wacky yet lethal gimmick (note – electrical opera-singing fat guy is taken)?

I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, boy.

2) What job, other than the one you have now, would you most want to have?

Something sciency or engineeringy or booksmartsy. Most of the A’s I got in school have very little impact on my actual career, and it’d be neat to see the other side.

But I’ve never seen a SPECIFIC job in that extremely broad and vague arena that appealed to me, so I’m not sure if that counts.

3) Name one movie that you think everybody should see.

Like, even little kids? And foreigners? And people who look different from me?

Okay, um. The Iron Giant is pretty cool.

4) MODOK – hilarious or terrifying?

I still have no idea what you’re talking about.

5) Won’cha tell me who are you?

I have this feeling I’m being quoted at.

Let’s just say I’m the pompatus of love and leave it at that.

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