I caught this blog-meme from Merytneith, and here’s how it works:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And here’s what the fans were dying to know.

1. Why “Astro_L”?

Because “Astro-Lopithecus, space caveman” cracks me the hell up.

2. What’s your favorite line from “The Godfather”?

It’s more of an exchange.

The Corleones’ consigliere, who’s not actually a Corleone but was more or less adopted into the family, is putting the muscle on a filmmaker named Woltz.

Woltz: Johnny Fontaine will never get that movie! I don’t care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork!
Hagen: I’m German-Irish.
Woltz: Well let me tell you something, my kraut mick friend. I’m gonna make so much trouble for you, you won’t know what hit you!

Ah, good old-fashioned white-on-white racism. Most of today’s supremacists have turned their attention too far outward; they’ve forgotten how to hate each other.

Also, just for you, Mery – the followup lines:

Hagen: Mr. Woltz, I’m a lawyer; I have not threatened you.
Woltz: I know almost every big lawyer in New York. Who the hell are you?
Hagen: I have a special practice. I handle one client. Now you have my number. I’ll wait for your call. By the way, I admire your pictures very much. [shakes Woltz’s hand, then leaves]

3. Did Hooper_X raid DJ Towa Tei’s hat closet, or WHAT?

I present for the jury:

ska? groove!

4. What do I look like, in your mind’s eye? (And PLEASE don’t say Marie Osmond.)

Mythically hot. Probably more so than any real-life appearance could ever live up to.

5. One day, you’re walking along the sandy beach and you notice a seashell. Not knowing that it’s a violation of the Environmental Protection Act to cart off artifacts from the protected shoreline upon which you stand, you pick up the seashell and put it in your pocket. Almost immediately, you are accosted by a park ranger driving a golf cart, who begins screaming at you in what sounds like Swahili, but you can’t quite be sure. Scared by this apparent madman in a green uniform, you make a run for it. You find yourself on the Pacific Coast Highway where an elderly woman in a ’57 T-Bird with the top down is slowly puttering down the road. You jump into the empty passenger seat and scream at the woman to step on the gas, which she does, causing you to careen off the cliffs just north of Monterrey and fall into the briny deep. As you gasp for breath in the cold ocean surf, you notice the ranger has pulled up in his golf cart and is screaming at you from above. Lucky for you, a fishing boat is passing by and is happy to pick you up out of the water. Unfortunately, the ship is on a tight schedule and can’t drop you off until it reaches its intended destination, which in this case is Nome, Alaska. Four long days you spend on the decks waiting for a sign of land. Just as the ship is approaching its destination, a slew of EPA Blackhawk helicopters converge on the boat’s position, and begin shouting at you over the loudspeakers to COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Panicked, you jump head-first into the freezing cold ocean and manage to stay alive by swimming all the way to the shore. The helicopters still overhead, you search in vain for some kind of hiding place. Just as you pass over a snowy hillside, you hear the sound of dogs barking in the distance. It’s then that you notice a team of dogs pulling what looks like a golf cart on skis, heading straight for you. The golf-sled driver catches sight of you and begins to yell at you in what you are now quite certain must be Swahili. You turn on your heel and make a break for it, but misjudge that last step over the hill and end up careening into an ice cave, where you are immediately faced with a very angry bear. What color is the bear?

If I knew how to swim, white.

If I knew how to swim.

(Thanks a bunch for uncovering my secret weakness. Well, one of.)

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