So you know the Supreme Court case going on right now about the Ten Commandments display next to the Capitol Building in Austin, Texas, right? This thing?

If, whilst wandering the desert, thou encounterest the nation-state of the Texasites, thou shalt not mess with them.

Well, thanks to this Austin Chronicle article I just found, I’ve learned some wacky things about the case.

Seems the guy who brought the suit in the first place is a “homeless former criminal defense attorney.” The article goes on to say, “He has one overwhelming advantage that his legal opponent, the Texas Attorney General’s office, can’t understand or appreciate: He has nothing to lose. ‘What can you do to a guy who sleeps under a bush?’ he asks. ‘Take away his bush? I just do what I can do today and don’t worry about tomorrow. If I get to something I can’t overcome, then at least I had fun doing it.'”

And the monument itself was donated privately in 1961 by the Fraternal Order of Eagles, who have the best acronym ever. Just look at their logo:

Jeez, guys, lay it on a LITTLE thicker.

That’s right up there with KAOS and SPECTRE. And, I suppose, SCUM, if you follow the James Bond, Jr. continuity. Which I don’t advise under any circumstances. I mean, dude, the kid’s James Bond’s nephew, but he gets a “Junior” after his name? Are we expected to believe that James Bond had a brother who was also named James? Or rather that the whole “nephew” thing is an extremely thin charade, and the kid’s mom is really Pussy Galore or Octopussy or Pussina McSnatchapoon or whatever? Unfortunately, the latter situation is the more plausible one, and I just don’t want to think about this kid going through life with a mom named Poontang O’Bustahymen. And neither should you.

So back to those commandments. Seems the Austin monument was part of a nationwide Decalogue-posting compaign on FOE’s part. According to that same article, “The Eagles’ campaign started in 1955, with a Milwaukee monument, at the behest of Cecil B. DeMille, who was looking for PR for his epic Ten Commandments. (Yul Brynner did the dedicating.)”

So, to sum up: The focus of America’s current religious/political debate is a homeless lawyer suing Texas to get rid of a FOE-sponsored half-century-old movie ad.


Some days, God really does bless America.

(And, y’know, I’d really like to see this survey actually happen scientifically.)