According to the Internet Movie Database, that’s not a movie title yet. Somebody’s got to get on this. NOW.

My personal world, though, has yet to involve any actual trials. Today was my first day of jury duty, but the funny thing about jury duty is that it’s not actually about being in a jury. Oh, sure, it CAN be – and ideally IS – but at its core, “jury duty” is just an obligation to hang around the courthouse for a week in case they NEED you as a juror.

This process was explained to us by a live person, but her presentation was augmented by a message from beyond the grave. Via cutting-edge magnetic-tape technology, the late Raymond Burr took a break from afterliving to educate us on the history and pageantry of juroryingness. He even showed his personal care for us as individuals by dropping casual references to Washington State landmarks (including a photo of the Kingdome!) He also used the phrase “modern 20th-century life.”

With that relevant and timely apparition cheering me on, I couldn’t wait to mount the saddle of civic duty and dig the spurs of objectivity into Lady Justice’s tender flanks of jurisprudence! But the only task she had for me today was the aforementioned paid loitering. There was a brief intermission when I went through the selection process for a six-member jury, but out of 15 people, I was not one of the Chosen.

I’d brought some books and a sketchpad, so I kept myself entertained, but we were also told we could bring VHS tapes or DVDs for viewing in the big common area. So…. what to bring, what to bring? Twelve Angry Men? Ernest Goes To Jail? Apparently there’s a 1994 straight-to-video flick called Hung Jury, with the following IMDB writeup:

Hung Jury (1994) (V)

Genre: Horror

Yikes! I know! But hang onto your Underoos, there’s more:

Plot Keywords for
Hung Jury (1994) (V)

  • hanging
  • impalement
  • murderer-duo
  • murder
  • slasher

Your honor, I do believe we have a verdict.

(You have been dismissed… PEREMPTORILY.)

(That’s the line the dude says after he totally impales some other dude.)

(Well it SHOULD be.)